There's [someone] in my head.

I made a Lestat x Louis music video at Lane's place a few weekends ago.
:D It came out like, incredibly good. So I'm posting it for future reference and inspiration.


Warning: Implies Male x Male relationships, blood, vampires, depeche mode, and sexy boys.

I hate boys.


They're so much prettier than I could ever hope to be.


I hate girls.


Because they are everything I'm not.


I hate Shia.
Because she's a bitch, and I ...need her.


I hate Lane.
Because she's perfect and I could never be perfect.


I hate Cassie.
Because she has talent that I could never achieve.


I hate Jamie.
Because he is wise beyond his years and so kind. I want to be like that.


but I love you all....
And I'm so selfish.

Cassie
when you read this.
please please please

Call me or talk to me.
IM me.
Whatever.


I need your help with a poem >>

It's...hard....


You know. To be completely in love with music, in whatever shape or sound it comes in. And to be with someone who...Thinks very differently about music.
But that's okay, it's fine ^^.

No one knows how much emotion overcame me when I heard him half-crying, half screaming those words. Flowing so dramatically from his pale lips. No one knows how much that affected me. The shock down my spine was not decieving.

"Bang. Bang."



Fucking bang...Is right.

Yeah.
I got a laptop XD.

It's pretty sweet.

<3.

Christmas from family includes:

+Laptop
+i-POD
+Cellphone
+HelloKitty shirt.
+Pink butterfly shirt.
+Leonard Cohen DVD
+Hair clips
+Wool coat
+Carrying case
+Makeup stuffies.


Not a lot, but what I did get was pretty fucking expensive.
I'll wish for purikura and lolita stuff later =D.

Well.
As much as I hate to say it, my family members are all depressed and crazy XD.
But at the same time, I really really don't mind at all. I mean, they're mine after all. Each and every person in the room behind me comes from the same line of blood. Except my daddy, but I come from his side as well.
I have to love them.


They're funny and wonderful, albeit their flaws. 
They hide from me what they need to hide, and reveal what is neccessary.
Even though I would like to know more, to fill in the loopholes of my past...


I'll wait till I'm old enough to take it.
For now, I love them all.
&&Dons comming over <3

Merry fucking Christmas. Ima go shake my presents now =DDD.


na night for a while.

Yeah.
It's christmas eve.
It doesn't even feel like christmas eve, and I'm still tired >>.

Oh well.
A bunch of my friends forgot about me this year ^^; I spent over 56 dollars on them, and got about 12 dollars of stuffies in return. But that's okay, I don't really care. It's the thought that counts.
[Even though some of them didn't even think of me.]

I got
Makeup, eyeliner, perfume, and a comic from Yvonne.
Hair clips and a picture from Mitsukai.
T-shirt from Sonikku
Scarf and Hat from Lane.
....Gum from Noelle.

I bought
A calender, pin, and bracelet for Mike.
Leg warmers for Yvonne.
Kitty ears for Mitsukai.
Arm warmers and pins for Shia.
Candy and a David Bowie case for Jamie.
A Pink Floyd poster for Bamm
Ducky for Rikku.
Manga for Sonikku
Silk tie for Lane
Music video for Kiki
[Soon to buy a] Anime drawing thing for Noelle.
and yeah. >>.


But yeah. thanks to those of you who didn't forget me XD.





Ima go do some things now.
Ja ne.

-_-;
Life is a fucking bitch.

<3

Yeah.
So I don't really know if I'm depressed or just..calm. I hate when I feel this way because it's really hard to get myself happy if I don't know what's wrong with me in the first place. Perhaps it's just the shock of going back to school and feeling all the drama come flowing back. Yeah, I was out for the passed week if you didn't know. I hate being in school, and I just found out why today -_-; We get pointless work and not nearly enough time to do it and polish it up. I have a final draft research paper due tommorrow and I barely have two pages written. I can't write any of it tonight because I don't know what to do to fix it. Gah. He should let me just pass it in after the weekend so I'll have more time to edit. Whatever, that won't happen. Okay second, I think I'm getting way to obsessed with the boys of Panic!. I seriously got MAD at them after I saw a video today, but it made ME feel bad. I think I really might be Ryan in some alternate universe out there. I....I dunno, they just made me kinda mad for some reason. I'll keep it to myself but it's whatever anyway. Eheh. I'm also worried about Yvonne because she seemed really depressed today, despite her telling me that she wasn't. Oh well.

Okay, I don't really feel like writing more. All I want to say is FRIDAY! Cassie <333.

yeah one more thing.
If anyone knows of a good roleplay community, or if they want to join mine ((-cough-CASSIE/BRENDON-cough-)) tell me.
Or if they want to write a fanfic with me =D.

Survey time. CONFESSIONS. INCLUDED >>.

Think back to 7th grade...

Let see how much you remember and how much you regret

1. Who was your best friend?
Yvonne <3.

2. Who did you like
Ready for this?
For the first part of the year, Mike.
Second part of the year I liked Cassie and G.G on and off. Never told either one of them, though. ....-blinks.- Wait...what did I just do!? CASSIE DON'T READ THIS DDDD=
Third part of the year I met Lane and yeah. I pretty much got married XD.

3.what sport did you play?
Your mom.

4. Did you buy your lunch?
Yes. We had the TABLE =DDD.

5. It's Friday night, where were you?
Massachusettes.

6. Were you a party animal?
Yes >D.

7. Ever skip school?
Yeah.

8. Did you get suspended/expelled?
Nope.

9. Can you sing the alma mater?
Wtf?

10. What was your favorite class?
Uh...English and Science. Wait...OMG SPANISH!





CASSIE.



OH MY FUCKING GOD.
DO YOU REMEMBER THE PICKLE?
CARLOS OR SOMETHING?



PICKLEPICKLECACTUS OMGOMG.
...=DDDDDD

11. What was your schools full name?
Brendon Fucks Ryan Every Night Middle School. =D.

12. Did you go to the dances?
Yes >3

13. If you could go back and do it over, would you?
Yes, cause Cassie wouldn't be gone, we'd have the drama play again, I could meet Lane all over again, and I could have stopped going to Massachusettes before..yeah.

14. What do you remember most about 7th grade?
Spanish. Cassie. Good Charlotte. Mrs. Reinsborough. Evan. Chanwoo...

15. Favorite memory in 7th grade?
Jimmy...

18. Where did you go most often for lunch?
Your pants.

19. What did you do on the last day of school?
Cried cause my best friend left and Evan got transfered and stuff.

20. Did you like 7th grade?
YES =DDDD

Listening to the words of Iris over and over again I thought..

Why?


"I want the whole world to see me.
Cause I think they just might understand.
When nothing is made to be broken.
You will never once know who I am."


And even if the whole world didn't know the real Jeremy.





I'd love that.




I love you Kei-chan.
<3 take care.

Dear Mr. and/or Mrs. sender-
We're pleased to inform you that your applications been accepted
Starting from the time you get this letter
Your life will be one never-ending
"hope you're feeling better"
You get your choice of an aesthetic
We'll need to chop your clock off (tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock)
It might not be what you expected
There is no money back once you've been ripped off

Today's a very special day
The boys'll murder for it but what will the neighbors say
It leaves you feeling pretty hollow
It might be nice to look at
Don't forget you're stuck with it tomorrow (and tomorrow, and tomorrow....)

You're big enough to stop pretending
You'll start to really show within a week or so
So don't go saying it's just come to your attention
You'll get more than you're asking for without the right protection

Today's a very special day
And how you'd love to have a little thing with which to play
But love wont get you very far
Today be still your beating heart
You'll have to keep on feeding it tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

Boys will be boys will be boys will be boys will be boys will be boys will be girls with no warning
Girls will be girls will be guys will be boys that don't cry over toys that they use to beat girls they
Despise by the morning
They always said that sex would change you...

No second thoughts the knife is nearing
You'll never hear the little pitter patter pitter patter
Of this little feat of engineering
Of course I love you and of course it's what's inside that matters
But I think the whole charade is ending
It seems to me to be the only way to keep from getting
Caught up in a long life of regretting
The doctors said that once you get a taste for it you'll keep on cutting

But while you happen to be here
Why don't you whisper all those sweet forevers in my ear
Stiff upper lip for all this sorrow
Hurry up and stick it in
You never know when it will end
Tomorrow or tomorrow or tomorrow...





^---------------
That is my life.
(goes to work on Cassie's present now, I promise.)

Exciting to hear emo bands sing about someone taking their man.
I feed off of it.

I am such a horrible student ><. I hate being in school. I hate everything that happens in school, and I don't really care what it could give me. Unlike anyone else, I don't even like going to school to see my friends. I could do without the  drama and negativity any day. I wish summer would just hurry up already. Or christmas. I don't even want to think about tommorrow at school because I know it will just bring me down even more. I'm pretty sure that I'm not gonna have a fun day after english tommorrow. Curses >>. Oh. And social studies. GOD DAMNIT.

Anyway, here was my day:

Study Hall: Uh. Study hall was really funny. Rikku, Simoney, and I made a board game based on Pokemon with all of our teachers as pokemon trainers and the elite four. But five of them died so there was only seven left XD. It was pretty funny. OH! and I did all of my latin homework correctly. I know what you're thinking. 'Genius.' Lawl. And then I did my social studies and it was really wicked funny because we were looking at the old slaves and servants and I was like 'Okay, what is these guys main goals in life?' and Rikku shouts "TO BE IDIOTS!" Oh my gawwwd. It was hilar.

Math: Ew. We went over some notes and stuff. I got a sixty on a test. Not as bad as I thought, but still. >> What the fuck ever. I'm still passing math and I'm going to retake a quiz tommorrow which will hopefully bring it up a little bit. I hate school.

Latin: Talked to Noelle about some things. Man, she is totally ridiculous, but whatever. Uuh...Mr. Davis was kind of nicer to me today than he was on different days. I dunno. He burned Noelle pretty bad though XD.

Lunch: Lunch with Mina =DDD. We got these really weird wraps and then Franklin and Mike raped me brutally. They have this game where they'll steal my propel and scream rape because they start feeling it up and stuff. God damnit, it's really annoying ><. Just cause I scream when someone takes my propel, doesn't mean I'm getting raped.

Science: More drama with the Drug/Alcohol awareness week. But whatever. At least I keep getting cute looks from my teacher.

World Studies: YVONNE GAVE ME THE FIRST PART OF HER COMIC. OMG. IT[PGLDFPGK0FGI09F7G78FBYGIBNGJKBN. IT WAS AMAZING AND SHE BETTER WRITE MORE OR ELSE I'LL BEAT HER, CHILD. Yeah. That goes out to all the Yvonne's in the house.

Choir: FUN =DD.

Then after; I went to Mina's house to help her get ready for her concert.
And I fail at life cause I spilled blue eyeshadow all over her floor.
._.;
Yeah.


Tommorrow = PHAIL

HELL.

I HATE TOMMORROW WITH A BURNING FUCKING PASSION.




I need to work on my reasearch paper now ><.
Bye <33.